I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
