Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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