my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
