your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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