Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Fuck appropriateness.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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