i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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