Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
