I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
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Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize