when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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