She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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