I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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