Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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