If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
