so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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