How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think people are normalizing furries
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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