I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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