Christians are straight up FREAKS
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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