I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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