please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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