You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I need to sanitize my soul.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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