I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
