It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
