it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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