You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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