he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
