I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
