I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
