this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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