So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
