Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
