Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
