Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
