So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
porn star boner night. come get it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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