Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
