Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
