If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
