How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
