we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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