i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
