I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
