Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
