id be glad to
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
