i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
