Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
