Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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