so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
