i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
