today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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