I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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