Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
