I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
