this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
