Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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