she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
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He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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