Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize