there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize