Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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