I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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