HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
