Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
